I Have Trust Issues!

The Israelites were learning to trust God as  they moved from Egypt (their broken past) to  Canaan (their promise future). While they were depending on Moses, Moses was depending on God. As Moses moved closer to God, the Israelites would stand still and watch with fear.  When Moses wanted to teach the Israelites how to establish their own relationship with God. They had enough faith to pray to Him but they needed to develop their faith to trust Him.  While they place their trust in Moses's relationship with God. It took 400 years for them to learn how to trust Him for themselves, not taking responsibility left them wandering until and generation was born who would do so. 
The Israelites did not want to take responsibility for themselves and their actions (a bad habit of the blame game). Their bodies were walking towards the promise land but their minds were stuck in Egypt.  And instead of learning to trust God with every problem or issue they had. They blamed  Moses for trusting God while Moses sought God for what to do. Every time they blame him, he sought God. He sought God to lead them and he would pray for them when they messed up. He even tried to do their repenting for them. But eventually all of this had to come to an end.

The goal of  a bible teacher\spiritual leader should be to magnify your walk with God, not take the blame for your lack of trust in Him.  It' Ok to be inspired by someone Else's relationship with God but don't let fear keep you from cultivating your own. Your spiritual leader should not go to God for you. They should go to God with you. Their goal should be to  edify you and teach how have your own personal relationship with God. Moses invited the Israelites to have their own relationship with God but when it was time, fear won and an dependence started.   They missed out on the experience they could of had because they were to busy blaming instead of trusting.

Accountability is a sign of maturity and maturity shows growth.

So while you are seeking God, don't let the fear of not having your own personal experience keep you from establishing one. It's OK to have  admiration for  someone Else's relationship with God but don't let your bible collect dust in the process. Take responsibility, open your bible and find your personal way of  spending time with Him.  You'll be amazed at what He can teach you when you start seeking Him and not Him through them.
 
Don't just have visitation on Sundays and Wednesdays, seek something more intimate.